James 1: 19-20 NIV
19My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Chaos…pure Chaos! Oh my, oh my!
Hence the fact that it is almost 7 o’clock and I am just now getting the chance to get this post out!
Sorry for the delay!
My 4 year old…All I can say is whoever said twos were terrible…Must have never lived through the FOURS!
He has just out of no where developed attitude; attitude like that of a 14-year-old teenager!
Seriously, where did my sweet-precious-innocent-angel of a little boy go!
He is stubborn to the core (clearly he must get that from his father:-) ) and today it was out in full force! He was pushing every button and testing every limit that exist!
(I just realized how many exclamation marks I have used…but it was that kind of day!)
I called my Husband and I said “Honey, we are having a really bad day! J is acting up and I can’t get him to stop…please make sure you don’t stay late tonight, if you can keep from it!!!!!”
My husbands response…It is only 1:15?
Yes! Yes it is only 1:15 pm and I am about to lose my mind…it feels like it is 10 pm! 10pm oh I can’t wait until 10 pm…sleep, silence, sanity…10 pm I NEED YOU!
Luckily, by the Grace of God, we have survived…so far lol…it isn’t 10pm yet :-)!
What is funny though is that the entire day the saying- children crave to know the boundaries and who will enforce them- kept coming into my head. I am personally not very good in the discipline department. It just isn’t in my character; in my mind everyone should just be nice to everyone and get along…discipline should not be needed. Well, now I have a 4-year-old and that theory died!
I caught myself a few times getting angry and raising my voice. I kept asking “WHY? Why are you doing that?” To which J would reply…”I don’t know, I felt like it”. Oy Vey!
Finally, something whispered…he is watching you. “he” being my son and “you” being me.
My son was watching me and to my disappointment, I was not being a very good example to him of how to react. I am the adult and I am the one who is supposed to lead by example. My little guy is 4 and all of these feelings and emotions are new and strong and he doesn’t know how to react to them.
As I was making dinner, I sat down on the floor and asked him…why were you so upset today and acting out like that? He told me “because you wouldn’t listen to me.” I asked him – when did I not listen to you? He told me he didn’t know exactly…but that was OK because the fact was…I hadn’t listened to him.
I allowed myself to be reactive instead of proactive. I felt out-manned and defeated and I reacted out of that feeling. As I thought about it, we had only stopped and discussed his attitude once or twice; when really we should have about 100 times.
It was laid on my heart that raising children is a process! Raising them is tough, hard and exhausting work! Even though it is tough, hard and exhausting…we do it because of the love we have for them and they have for us. We have to stop and take the time to “listen” and to “talk” about what is on their heart.
It can seem like a burden or inconvenience, but my time with them is short. I feel like in a week I will be waking up and they will be graduating. I need to step back, take a breath and re-engage.
I also need to realize that I am “a toddler” too in Parenting! I haven’t done this before and this is a new experience for me too. I need to allow myself mercy and grace as God provides them. I read a great quote that fit today so well :
“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them– every day begin the task anew.” ~ Francis de Sales
Every day begin the task anew! Beautiful!
So yes, I will mark today as one of the not so fantastic “mommy” days. I will also remember it…very well…and learn from it. I have an amazing little guy who means the world to me…drives me crazy sometimes…but he has my whole heart!
Ultimately, he knows how much I love him! He told me “mommy, I love you, even though you made me mad” – funny how they use our words back on us :-).
I have many imperfections and my level of patients is not always 100% (who am I kidding some days I would be happy to hit 50% lol) but I have and will always have LOVE and lots of it!
So, I will wrap up this post, pray for my own renewed strength and go sit down with my little guy and just listen. 🙂 I have a feeling what he has to say will end my day with nothing but smiles and a full heart!
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