Last night I had the chance to watch the movie, Moms Night Out, with a few of my “mom” friends. It was a great movie, if you have not seen it, I highly recommend it!
There were several parts of the movie that were hilarious and I remember laughing during these parts. The funny thing is, I had been in the exact same situation as the character only when it was me…I wasn’t laughing.
The movie did a fantastic job portraying the life of a parent with young ones! One of the main characters, Allyson, I could have sworn at times was me lol.
As a child she said – “My dream was to be a mom. I wanted to marry a nice guy and have beautiful children. I am now living that dream and I am not happy! What is wrong with me?”
I have had that same thought! Almost word for word!
My dream was the same as a child – I always wanted to be a mom! I dreamed about and imagined my husband all the time! Believe it or not, my husband is better than I dreamed/imagined and I am the mommy to 2 amazing, beautiful children!
Why am I not happy? What is wrong with me?
As I sat in the room with about 10 other moms watching the movie, the thought came to my mind are they happy?
Now, we didn’t have a discussion about this so I can’t tell you an answer to that question, but the movie made me wonder.
As a woman…a mom…what goes on in our mind is chaotic and crazy!
When I was that child with the dream of being a mom, my dream looked a bit more like a picture. In my dreams were lots of cuddles, smiles, sleep, cute outfits, quiet walks to the park and so on.
My dream failed to include: Tantrums, random right-hooks from a toddler, toys flying, spaghetti on the wall, sibling arguments, sleepless nights, car seat battles and attitudes!
So when my reality is compared to my dream…of course I am not happy! I am not living my dream, I am living my reality!
Had my dream as a child, included a glimpse of my reality now, I likely would not question myself. I would not be disappointed in my “lack of enthusiasm” for the average day. I would have expected it!
As a woman, I am naturally hard on myself. This is a fault shared by many women across the world. We are hard on ourselves! We put more pressure on ourselves than others do and then judge ourselves harder, if we fail!
Now as a Mom, I am twice as bad as I was before. I often go throughout my day, feeling judged. I feel like everywhere I go, people are scrutinizing my parenting. I am constantly in fear of “that tantrum” in the store.
My son has learned the phrase “shut up” and I cringe when he says it in front of someone else. Why? Because clearly, I am a bad mom because my kid learned “shut up” from some other child!
When my husband comes home, I will often think he is upset…annoyed…or frustrated because the house is a mess. I will look at him and think, “what does he expect?” In reality though, I am the one feeling convicted that the house is a mess. He isn’t saying anything, but I am blaming him for judging me and he’s not – I am the one judging myself!
In the movie, Allyson says “I was just trying to fix everything, but I am messing it all up”. I bet we all could make and/or relate to that comment.
We are Moms and that is an unbelievable, wonderful, amazing Job! Sometimes I think we make the job much more difficult because of the pressure we put on ourselves.
Kids are kids! They are wired now, pretty much the same as they have been forever. We are not inventing the wheel here!
There is a difference though between mothering now and mothering in the past. We have SO much ACCESS! We have Facebook, Pinterest, movies, TV shows, cell phones and so much more! We are inundated daily with pictures of perfection and ideals that we may never live up to.
We see ourselves as failures because we messed up the “cookie monster” cupcakes or we didn’t make a sensory bin for our baby !
We forget that back in the day…Kids played with boxes, pots and pans. Their “sensory box” was the dirt, the rocks…nature!
So, maybe you haven’t made a fairy garden or an Elsa dress for your little girl. Maybe you went to the grocery store and bought your kids treats for school, instead of slaving away in the kitchen only to mess them up! Maybe after that you did the mother of all fails…You fed your kids McDonald’s!!!!! Tisk, Tisk, Tisk 🙂
Who cares! If we step back and stop judging ourselves so hard…we may realized how little judgment there actually is being placed on us!
Moms needs to give Moms a break!
If you messed up the cupcakes, laugh at yourself and share the story! If you tried to sew an Elsa dress or a Batman cape and failed miserably…laugh it off and share! We have to stop trying to “make ourselves look good” to others. We have to admit our failures as much as we show off our success’!
Being a Mom is not about perfection! I mess up daily and I am learning (slowly but surely) to embrace it!
We all have our strengths and weakness’. Find your strengths and if your weakness can be fine tuned…then do it; if not then let it go!
Crafting for example is not my strength! The failed batman cape…Yup, that was me!!! You know though my boys are fine. They were not ruined because I failed miserably making a batman cape.
Honestly, them seeing me laugh off my failure I think was good. They saw me try, fail and move on.
Being a Mom is about just that…being a Mom. It isn’t about keeping up or doing more than the mom next door. It isn’t about making more things for your kids than the mom sitting next to you at church. It isn’t about sending the cutest cupcakes to school, they all go down the same anyway!
It’s about loving your kids! Being there for your kids! Showing your kids they are perfect the way they are! Showing them how to try, fail, try again and how to be happy for being them!
The world we live in tells us daily – We need to be better! Guess what…you are who God intended you to be, he does not make mistakes! The fact that you’re a mom is a blessing! Forget the world…Just be the best Mom and You that YOU can be!!!!!