Have you ever felt that God was laying something on your heart? You recognize it, feel it and are excited to accomplish it, then something happens. Doubt!
You start to realize all of the obstacles that lay in your way. You think about how “unpopular” you may become or how people might judge you.
All of the sudden, that excitement you had has now turned into disappointment. You convince yourself; that wasn’t God, that was just me imagining it was God.
Hum, I wonder who might have introduced those fears, misconceptions and doubts into your mind?
I want to take a moment to include a small part of my story:
Like I have said many times, I was raised in a Christian home, have always believed in God and many years ago was saved and baptized. Honestly, my true relationship with Christ didn’t really begin until about 4 years ago.
God brought me to my lowest, where I had no other choice than to reach out to him. You can read more about my experience in my post Rainy Day. He opened my eyes to the fact that I am human and in my humanness, I am weak!
He didn’t reach in and take all of my struggles and hardships away though. Nope, he continued to allow me to “struggle”. In that “struggle” he has allowed me to grow in ways that I never would have without it.
I felt excitement, I was ready to conquer the world! Then, it would happen.
The thought came to my mind; How could you even come close to these ladies? You struggle with memorizing scripture, how could you ever preach it? You are “socially awkward” you struggle at times with even starting a conversation, how could you ever “preach”?
I believed these things and my dream then became just that, a dream. Not something that was even possible.
I felt silly and in a way, laughed at myself for even entertaining the thought. So I continued on my way, my normal way of life and just existed.
About 6 months ago, God tugged at my heart again. I felt him say…it’s time to move on.
I prayed a prayer at that time that went something like this: God, you know me, you know how resistant I am to change. I am a creature of habit! Lord, if you want me to “move on” and my current employment is not where you want me to be, make something happen that will force me to “move on”.”
Well, folks be careful what you pray! 🙂 God answered and did just that. He was faithful and made it incredibly obvious that he wanted me to move on. I left the line of work that I have been in for 15 years, last week! I am still not certain where I am going, but I did it :-).
Prior to putting in my notice, I was lost. I knew I was supposed to do something, but it did not make logical sense. I was going to quit my job, my decent paying job and I didn’t have a “plan”.
God was there though! I was in my kitchen one day SERIOUSLY doubting that this was “his plan”. I dropped to my knees right there and prayed. That was where this Blog became an idea.
I literally Laughed out Loud! I said “God, I barely know how to turn on a computer…you want me to start a BLOG?!” Again, I was even more certain I was crazy!
He did it though, it is far from perfect, but he allowed me to build a blog! Plugins, widgets, post,categories, menu’s, forums…all of these words were mind-boggling to me…but he did it!
A few days later I was in my kitchen again (don’t ask me why all of this divine intervention happens in my kitchen, its beyond me!) and again I felt the need to fall on my knees. I did and I caught myself about to say something that I had said many times before, but I was stopped.
I was about to say, “Lord, I give myself to you”, but before I could say it he silenced me. It came to my mind;” Do you REALLY? This is big, if you are going to say this…truly mean it!”
I literally sat there numb for a few minutes. I then finally completed my prayer…”Lord, I give myself to you…ALL of me, to you!
All of the sudden, an image came to my mind of a tornado. In this “tornado” was my life, my family, my comfort, my wants everything! It was all swirling around like it was being released. It was symbolic to me because it said…I’m taking it! We will now be a team, I (God) the leader and you (Miranda) my servant!
Honestly, this was the first time I truly felt like a Christian, a Christ follower! All these years I called myself one, but I never truly was!
Since then, every time I have doubted him or his “speaking to me”, he has stepped in and proved to me that he is there! He won’t leave, Ever! I need him more now than I could have ever imagined and he is there.
With my Blog, I found myself basing its success off of its stats. I wanted “hits” (views), “likes” on Facebook and pins on Pinterest. I mean, these are the things that ultimately prove a Blog successful, right?
Well, today I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley, and he said; “Sometimes we get so caught up in doing Gods work that we allow ourselves to overlook our small successes.” We set our eye on the mountain and forget the little things.
This hit home to me. I would allow myself to compare my blog site with many others. I would look at these blogs that were huge and think…yup, that’s not going to happen.
Well, what if it isn’t meant to happen or at least not now? I don’t know, I am following a path that I don’t know the ending to. I see a spec of light at the end, but I do not know what is between me and the light. I do know though that God is holding my hand.
As far as the doubt! Satan! It is all him!
Maybe there is a post that is only “liked” 5 times or read 2, but who am I to say it was not a successful post. What if the 2 that read it, were the 2 that needed it! If it helps someone in some way…that is successful!
So, pardon my language, but SCREW you Satan! 🙂
God is in control and I will not judge myself off of the mountain, but off of the small stones and pieces of dirt that make it! Those small stones and pieces of dirt are the foundation for the whole mountain. Without them, there would not be a mountain!
I am going to apply this to my journey of motherhood also.
There will be days that I would consider “small”, maybe not so successful or perhaps total failures. At the end of the day though, no matter what has happened or not, I have 2 little boys that love me! I love them and they are amazing! God blessed my husband and I with them and he created them for a purpose! Everyday is successful because they are in it!
Satan will try to work his way into any little surface we give him! He creates doubt, insecurity, frustration and disappointment.
God encourages, lifts us up, helps us and motivates us!
If we are feeling any of the negative, let it go and don’t let Satan win, those feelings are not from God!
If God is laying something on your heart…don’t allow yourself to analyze it. There will be obstacles and the “plan” may not even make logical sense, but if it is his plan…it will work! He will remove those obstacles and make sense of it all…in time.
It may not be easy and you will likely think your nuts, but God is faithful and will provide! Grab onto his hand and enjoy the journey!
I can’t say that I know my journey’s end, but I have faith and faith takes courage. He will provide the courage if I provide the faith!